Weddings

Introduction

Who may be married in this Cathedral?

• Are currently active, worshiping members of the congregation. “Active” means that bride/or groom are either baptized and/or transferred as members to the Cathedral from a previous congregation. That individual should be recognizable as a participant in Cathedral worship, fellowship or program and have made a financial contribution of record.
• Are actively seeking to become members of the Church. “Active” means that the bride and/or groom are baptized and committed to the life of the Cathedral congregation by regular attendance at worship. Those who are not baptized or are from other denominations must be willing to enroll in a process for exploring commitment to the Church. Church canons (rules) require that either the bride or the groom must be baptized.
• Whose families are active members of the congregation. “Active” means having a record of giving, and are regular participants in Cathedral worship, fellowship or program.
• Are members of other Episcopal congregations. Requests for use of the Cathedral in such cases must be made in writing by the pastor of the bride and/or groom’s home parish. Such request must also attest to the fact that the bride and/or groom are actively involved in that congregation and are communicants in good standing. Premarital preparation and officiating at the wedding should be by the pastor of the home parish.

What makes a marriage Christian?

Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament of the Church. As such, it expresses certain inward and spiritual realities. These include the conviction that God created humans so as to make the lifelong commitment of male and female desirable and fulfilling and that in this relationship God’s involvement is the necessary sustaining force. Marriage is evidence or a sign of the creative and redeeming love by which God more generally sustains human life and the created order. Christians know Jesus Christ to be the unique example of that creative and redeeming love. Thus enduring and joyful marriages are inevitably an expression of Christ’s continuing presence in the world. The choice to live out that presence is what makes a marriage Christian.

The service called "Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage”

While current social practice often sees a church as the desirable location for a wedding, the Episcopal Church generally calls for greater awareness and conviction about its role.

For the Christian community, marriage does not just involve you as a couple. The whole assembly joins the ordained person in witnessing your promises and expresses willingness to be supportive of your relationship. Further extending the involvement of others, the Church has established guidelines requiring that clergy and the couple involve themselves in a pre-marital conversation that both authenticates and supports the questions and promises of the service and builds confidence the couple has in each other. While the ordained person is also granted authority to preside over the establishment of the civil contract of marriage, this is a very secondary role.

What is customary at this Cathedral?

Inquiries. All inquiries regarding Cathedral weddings are made to the Dean, or other Cathedral priests when the Dean is not available. No wedding dates will be placed on the Cathedral calendar prior to the initial discussion with the Dean, the officiating priest, and until the necessary paperwork is completed. (Marriages are not solemnized during the season of Lent.)

Canonical Requirements. The canons (laws) of the Episcopal Church require at least 30 days notice prior to the wedding and that the clergy concerned ascertain:

• The right of the parties to contract a marriage according to the laws of the state.
• Holy Matrimony is understood to be a physical and spiritual union of a man and a woman, entered into within the community of faith, by mutual consent of heart, mind, and will, and with intent that it be lifelong.
• That both parties freely and knowingly consent to such marriage, without fraud, coercion.
• That at least one of the parties has received Holy Baptism.

These determinations necessitate some responsible level of pre-marital conversation and are coupled with the requirement that clergy “instruct both parties as to the nature, meaning, and purposes of Holy Matrimony, or ascertain that they have both received such instruction from persons known by him or her to be competent and responsible.”

It is helpful to begin these conversations well in advance of the wedding to avoid last-minute preoccupations.

Remarriage following divorce or annulment requires that the officiating priest procure both evidence of the divorce action and the consent of the Bishop to officiate. The intention of this process is to prevent a recurrence of issues involved in the prior marriage.

Reimbursement of Expenses. A schedule, which covers the costs to the Cathedral for weddings and a variety of options, is available here. It is customary to provide the officiating priest with an honorarium that bears an appropriate relationship to the total cost of the wedding. Funds received are equally divided among Cathedral clergy for use in their discretionary funds.

Wedding Consultants.  Cathedral weddings include the services of a wedding consultant. The consultant is available during the period prior to the wedding to answer questions and consult regarding the décor of the wedding. She is also present to assist at the rehearsal and wedding.

Music for the wedding will be worked out early on between the couple and the officiating priest in consultation with the Cathedral Music Director. The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage is a sacramental rite of the Church and the music should reflect this. As at other rites of the Church, the canon law and rubrics (rules) of the Book of Common Prayer govern the choices.

Rehearsal. The rehearsal is usually held early in the evening prior to the wedding and is under the direction of the officiating priest, assisted by the wedding consultant and Cathedral Verger. The purpose of the rehearsal is to welcome members of the families and the wedding party to the Cathedral and to rehearse the wedding service and movement so that all involved will be confident and prepared to participate. Rehearsals start on time and promptness is important. Absolutely no alcoholic beverages are permitted at the rehearsal.

The wedding is the culmination of much preparation and makes an enduring transition in a variety of relationships. Thus it is the occasion for heightened feeling and sensitivity. The clergy and staff are aware of this and available in a variety of ways. The officiating priest is in charge of the wedding. Several areas of practical concern include:

• If announced ahead of time, photographs may be taken up to 30 minutes before the wedding and immediately following the service. Because the wedding is a worship service of the Church, no member of the congregation is permitted to take pictures during the service. Ushers should make this clear as they seat guests with cameras. The wedding photographer may take pictures with natural light of the processional and recessional from the rear of the building. Other pictures, including videotaping, require consultation and permission of the officiating priest.
• Decorations. It is recommended that excessive decoration be avoided. All decoration must be cleared with the wedding consultant and/or officiating priest at least two weeks before the ceremony. No artificial or artificially colored flowers, or artificial potted plants are allowed in the Cathedral. A member of the Altar Guild must place the altar flowers at the altar. Altar flowers become a memorial to the glory of God once they are placed at the altar and they may not be removed for use elsewhere. Either two vases or four vases of flowers are used at the High Altar. Two vases or four vases are used in All Saints Chapel. The florist must always use the Cathedral liners matching the vases. These can be picked up at the office at a pre-scheduled time.

All other flowers, candelabra decorations, plants on the steps or down the aisle, standing basket arrangements and personal corsages and bouquets are placed by the florist under the supervision of the wedding consultant. They are to be removed by the florist. These do not become Cathedral property and should be taken immediately following the service.

Candles are always lit at the altar. Additional candles may be used either in the chancel or all the way down the aisle. There is a charge for these candles. Only white candles will be used.

Throwing rice, confetti, birdseed, and the use of bubbles in the Cathedral or on its grounds is strictly forbidden.

Dressing rooms are provided for the bride’s party (in the women’s choir vesting room in the crypt) and for the groom’s party (in the servers’ vesting room adjacent to the Cathedral.) Members of the wedding party should be present no earlier than two hours before the wedding and dressed 30 minutes before the service. Absolutely no alcoholic beverages are permitted in the dressing rooms or on Cathedral premises prior to the wedding.

Receptions

The Great Hall and Guild Rooms of Jewett House are available for very simple wedding receptions only if the schedule and staffing permit. All inquiries for this use are to be directed first to the Cathedral Administrator who will make the determination as to the availability of the space. If that determination is in the affirmative then the couple will be referred to St. Monica’s Guild whose ministry is to assist with such receptions. They will provide the couple with a schedule, which covers the costs of receptions and the options available. Receptions held on Cathedral premises are limited to three hours and must conclude by 10:30 pm.

Use of wine, champagne, or punch is allowed if non-alcoholic refreshments are also offered. Under no circumstances will an open bar be allowed on Cathedral property.

After the wedding comes the marriage

The wedding begins to unfold the experience of loving and working out life together. Given the inherent differences that exist between any two people and the pressures that work against enduring marriages, the practice of religion becomes important. This practice strengthens the relationship of married persons to God and thus to one another. It includes participation in the worship, education, and networks of friends found in most Christian congregations. We encourage the newly married couple to include exploration and decision about a Church home as an important first step in marriage. Since your wedding was celebrated and blessed at the Cathedral, we anticipate that you will give membership in the congregation serious consideration. Finally, given the relationship that developed with the officiating priest during pre-marital conversations, we encourage you to draw upon that special relationship as yet another source of support for a lifelong commitment.